There is no one definition of virginity. For some, being a virgin means you haven’t had any kind of penetrative sex — whether that’s vaginal, anal, or even oral. Others may define virginity as never engaging in vaginal penetration with a penis, despite having had other types of sex, including oral stimulation and anal penetration.
However you define it, the most important thing to remember is that you decide when you’re ready to have sex and that you’re comfortable with that choice. And when that time comes, try not to think of it as “losing” or “giving” something away. You’re actually gaining a whole new experience.
Even If your Concept of Virginity Involves Penetration, There’s More Than Just P in V
Many people believe the only way to “lose” your virginity is through vaginal penetration with a penis, but that’s not the case.
Some people may no longer call themselves a virgin after engaging in anal penetration or penetration with a finger or sex toy. Others may reconsider their virginity status after receiving or giving oral stimulation. When it comes to virginity and sex, there’s so much more than just P in V.
If You Have a Hymen, It Isn’t Going to “Pop” During Vaginal Penetration
Oh, the hymen — the stuff of legend. You’ve probably heard the myth that if you have a hymen, it will break during vaginal penetration. But that’s all that is: a myth.
The average hymen isn’t a piece of flat tissue that covers the vaginal opening, like the myth claims. Instead, it’s usually a loose — and not at all intact — piece of tissue that hangs around the vagina.
Depending on its size, a hymen can be torn during penetrative sex, exercise, or some other physical activity. But it won’t “pop,” because it simply can’t.
Your Hymen Has Nothing to Do With the Status of Your Virginity
Your hymen — like your finger or your ear — is just a body part. It doesn’t determine whether or not you’re a virgin any more than your toes do. Plus, not everyone is born with a hymen, and if they are, it may be a very small piece of tissue. You — and you alone — decide the status of your virginity.
Your Body Isn’t Going to Change
Your body doesn’t change after you have sex for the first time — or second, or third, or fiftieth.
However, you will experience certain physiological reactions related to sexual arousal. This may include:
- swollen vulva
- erect penis
- rapid breathing
- flushed skin
These arousal-related responses are only temporary. Your body isn’t changing — it’s just responding to the stimulus.
There Isn’t a Post-Sex “Look”
After you’re finished having sex, your body will slowly return to its regular state. But this cooldown period only lasts a few minutes.
In other words, there’s no way another person would know that you’re no longer a virgin. The only way they would know is if you decide to tell them.
It Probably Won’t Be Like the Sex Scenes You See on TV (or in Porn)
Everyone experiences sex differently. But you shouldn’t expect your first time to be like what you see in the movies.
Sex scenes in film and television don’t happen in one take — actors often have to reposition themselves, and directors may reshoot certain parts so that the scene looks good on camera.
This means that what you see on the silver screen typically isn’t a realistic picture of what sex is like for most people.
Your First Time May Be Uncomfortable, but it Shouldn’t Hurt
It’s completely normal to feel uncomfortable the first time you have sex. Friction may happen with penetration, and that could cause discomfort. But your first time shouldn’t hurt.
If having sex does hurt, though, that could be because of a lack of lubrication, or possibly a medical condition, such as endometriosis. You should see a doctor if you experience pain every time you have sex. They can assess your symptoms and help treat any underlying conditions.
This Is Where Lubrication (and Maybe Even Some Foreplay!) Comes in
If you have a vagina, you may produce lubrication — or become “wet” — naturally. But sometimes, there may not be enough vaginal lubrication to reduce friction during penetration.
Using lube can help make vaginal intercourse more comfortable by minimizing irritation. If you’re engaging in anal penetration, lube is an absolute must; the anus doesn’t produce lubrication of its own, and penetration without lubrication can result in tears.
Your Sheets Probably Won’t Be Bloody
There may be some light bleeding the first time you have sex, but don’t expect a scene from “The Shining.”
If you have a vagina, you may experience minor bleeding if your hymen stretches during penetration. And if anal canal tissue tears during anal penetration, mild rectal bleeding may occur. However, this typically doesn’t produce enough blood to leave a mess on the sheets.
Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) Can Be Spread Through Any Kind of Sex
Vaginal penetration isn’t the only way that STIs are spread. STIs can also spread through anal penetration and oral stimulation, regardless of whether you’re giving or receiving. That’s why it’s important to use condoms and other forms of protection each time, every time.
If You’re Having P in V Sex, Pregnancy Is Possible the First Time
Pregnancy is possible anytime there is vaginal penetration with a penis, even if it’s your first time. It can happen if a person with a penis ejaculates inside a vagina or outside, but near, the vaginal opening. Using a condom is your best way to prevent pregnancy.
If You Have a Vagina, You May Not Orgasm the First Time
Orgasms aren’t always a guarantee, and there’s a chance you may not climax the first time you have sex. That could happen for a number of reasons, including comfort levels and medical conditions. In fact, research suggests that 11 to 41 percent of people with a vagina have difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner.